undeserving

i don't deserve what i've been blessed with. not at all.

i don't deserve such a unconditionally loving, supportive family. one that holds me up, boosts me up, picks me up. one that never questions the magnitude of support--mentally, emotionally, spiritually, physically--or the motives behind it. who puts up with my lows and tolerates my highs. i don't deserve my family...who takes me back every time with open arms and willing hearts. who welcomes me and loves me for who i am and who i am becoming.

i don't deserve such an amazing new person in my life (you know who you are dude). don't deserve his patience with my exploration of unchartered territory. don't deserve his delighfully humorous company. don't deserve to hear his incredible God-gifted musical talents (although i haven't heard all of them yet...ehm). and especially don't deserve as many hugs as i get...but i'll take 'em anyway :)

i don't deserve the grades i got this semester. thinking it'd be one of my worst, God totally (and i do mean TOTALLY) surprised me. i am kind of in shock right now actually...okay really in shock right now. don't deserve them at all....but thanking the Almighty above that He employed Ghostwriter to change the letters around and make them better....yup...pretty sure that is what He had to do---no way i earned those.

i don't deserve the weight off my shoulders for all the mistakes i've made. don't deserve forgiveness again. don't deserve the unconditional love and affection and grace that flows through me daily. don't deserve the commitment from Christ, the sacrifice and the pain that He endured...

i definitely don't deserve any of it.

but since it has been gifted to me...i am daily thankful for the millions of blessings in my life.

how did i get so lucky?!?!?


[probably won't post again until around January 2, 2006!!! happy holidays!!!]