life. leaves.

fall is here. 20 degree nights are here. and foggy mornings, too.

but autumn means winter which means home which means spring is coming which means jon will be closer which means anatomy will be over which means all of these things make jlyn happy.

i haven't been good about posting. but life (i.e., studying) always seems to get in the way. except today. because today i caught a case of the homework-blues. yes, again. too often these days. feeling like i need a break, a breather. i am beginning to feel trapped here. like i can't leave without guilt. like i don't really have a reason to leave, even if just for the day.

school is not excessively overwhelming all the time. at times, yes, it is more overwhelming than i ever expected it to be. but, then again, i didn't really have many expectations. and school, right now, is my life. i have to keep remembering that. i am blessed to be here alone--without the distractions of people i care about. and other than my cell phone & the internet, i am pretty much cut off from the rest of the world. no TV. no radio. no inlet to the craziness that this world is becoming.

and speaking of craziness...God has definitely reminded me this past week that i am not in control. of anything, really. i like to think that i am. i like to think that i can fill in my calendar and things will go as planned; that i can dream and my thoughts will magically gain physicality to become reality. but they don't...and they can't.

i can't control life. i don't own people. i can't plan. i don't know much about anything in comparison to God. and it is humbling. to know that i am not in control. to know that someone, someone much bigger and better and bolder than me is. someone who cares about me, who wants to give me what my heart desires; someone who loves me and who lived--and died--for me.

it is liberating--and at the same time completely scary--that there is a God who knows everything about me. now. yesterday. tomorrow.