un-expectations.

so this morning i was thinking of winnie the pooh. and how (a) he was, when it comes down to it, quite a silly old bear and how he (b) he spontaneously made up words. perhaps like un-expectations. so today, this word is dedicated to good ol' winnie the pooh.

the word, taken by itself, probably could be misunderstood. like unkempt. or unconditional. or unruly. i could have called it mis-expectations. like mistake. or miserable. but alas, i did not. and un-expectations is what we are left with.

it is kind of like things completely unexpected...but future tense.

speaking of un-expectations, God has sure handed me a fair share lately. surprises. blessings. stress. stress. (did i mention stress?). and reminders of the incredible blessings of relationships (one in particular, actually).

surprises. did i mention how much i love phone calls? jon called me TWO DAYS IN A ROW :) which made me smile. a lot. and made me miss him. again. a lot. and i made sugar cookies yesterday afternoon. the surprise part of my baking experience was that they tasted like cornbread. don't quite know how that happened because i don't remember adding anything that actually had corn in it. but nonetheless, it was quite a shock to my tastebuds when i went to take a bit of sugar cookie and instead got a mouthful of cornbread-tasting goodness. AND i get to go home on saturday. which is 5 days away, in case you were wondering. and although my trip home isn't exactly a surprise (being that i know it is coming), i am thinking that God probably has a few surprises up His sleeves :)

blessings. wow. too many to count. i am reminded during this season each year. how lucky i am. how blessed i am. how much i don't deserve anything that i have. i've been listening to financial podcasts a lot. and have been constantly reminded that everything--every thing--belongs to God. and He is generous enough to let me use some of it, just for a little while. my education. my finances. my exercise schedule. my knowledge. my breath, even. and since it is His--all of it--He can take it away at any time. privledges. hopes. stuff. but the coolest thing is that, more times than not, He doesn't. He loves us enough to bless us. beyond our wildest imagination.

stress. school has officially taken over my life. and my brain. yesterday was the first time in a long time that i actually wondered what it would feel like if i hit my head against the wall. but God is giving me perspective--again. He probably gets tired of giving it to me so often. really tired of it. but these exams are just one set. in my entire life. just two days. of my entire life. i can't even remember most of my exams from undergrad. and again, i probably won't even remember this set in a few months either. i am just praying (really hard!) that God infuses my brain with knowledge and opens it up to a sponge-like state so it can absorb anything and everything that my eyes run across.

relationships. i've been smiling quite a bit the last couple days. probably cuz jon called. and probably cuz i got to talk to him for more than 5 minutes. yup. talk. like i would say something and he would respond. it is an amazing thing, actually. apparently that is what people use telephones for--hmm...who knew?? but other than being able to talk to him, our 'contact' was an incredible reminder of how much he means to me :) God has blessed me more than i ever dreamed. and for that i am eternally grateful. and as our paths continue to be paved by the Almighty paver-dude, my biggest prayer is for prepared hearts. for God's will. for God's plans--not ours. for God's hand in our lives and in our relationship.

so yeah. there are lots of un-expectations. surprises. love. grades. that boy. snow, maybe? not to mention a handful of blessings.

here's a shout out....

...to dr. a.t. still.

he was a genius.

yesterday in OPP we were working on myofacial release (where you move the 'layer' of tissue over muscles/nerves/arteries that is slightly dysfunctional & can cause lots of problems) and counterstrain (putting muscles in their relaxed positions to 'reset' them).

and guess what!??!

my TMJ is gone today.

it is amazing. for the first time in like 6 months (or more), no teeth clenching, no headaches, nothing :)

gosh i like that dr. still. he deserves a shout out today :)

so very {un}predictable

it is days like this--days where i shock myself with surprise emotion, days where i am overcome with "what if's" and "how comes"--that i am reminded how very {un}predictable life is. it is days like this that i am reminded how God controls this world. at His leisure. with us at the mercy of His pleasing. and it is days like this that i wish that i would have popped out of the womb with an instruction booklet and "how to do life" manual clutched in each hand.

But alas, i did not (probably to the relief of my mother).

i found myself crying today over tributes to friends lost to drunk drivers. over songs. over words, even. i could chalk it all up to stress, but i know there is something else there--something undefinable and un...grasp-able.

and so i found myself thinking. about how life throws so many curve balls. about my all-too-often selfish focus. about the man that Jesus was--and how incredible it would have been to know him. and i found myself thinking about just how fortunate i am. to have parents that love me. to have support and encouragement. to have my mom as my bestest girlfriend. and jon as my bestest boyfriend. to have my sisters as a spunky and refreshing support system. to havve lou as an incredible example of what a Godly man looks like. to have alec's energy & innocence. and a car to drive. and health. and a cozy bed to sleep in. and this crazy education. i was even thinking how fortunate i am to have lived past age 6--and each day after that. most of the worlds children die before they ever get to write their age as double digits, you know.

and so today i'm looking at life as a big box of surprises. and yeah, it'd be nice to have that "how to do life" manual. and i'd sure like instructions on some things--especially in light of what i'm learning at school these days.

but i guess that is part of the beauty of life. all the "what ifs" and "how comes". the emotions that surprise me...and make me thankful. because really, when it comes down to it, that is part of the beauty of knowing Christ--knowing that all really is so very {un}predictable...and knowing the One that makes it so.

reflection.

it isn't too often that i just lay in bed and think. but, whether it be my distracted psyche or misplaced mindset, i lately have found myself cozied up in between my sheets more often than ever before.

i can't quite pinpoint what it is, either. i know i am distracted. school seems to be a huge wet blanket that i can't quite get out from underneath. sometimes i feel like lewisburg is a cage--and that there is no escape from here. i don't know, really. i've just been uninspired lately. to read. to study. to socialize. to grow and learn and challenge myself.

it is a little disheartening, to be honest. i am not exactly sure what i was expecting when i signed up for all of this.....but it isn't panning out the way i thought it would. God has gotten ahold of my priorities and entirely realigned them, often making me question how things will work out in the end. i don't dare doubt my being here--God moved me across the country himself practically--but i do have a severe tendency to worry about the future.

perhpas--and i am hoping--that this is just a rutt. that christmas will be a nice recalibration. and i'll be back to my old self again in no time.

God is working now. i can't feel it at the moment, but i know He is. i just have to be patient enough to see the results.