Wednesday, December 13, 2006

so very {un}predictable

it is days like this--days where i shock myself with surprise emotion, days where i am overcome with "what if's" and "how comes"--that i am reminded how very {un}predictable life is. it is days like this that i am reminded how God controls this world. at His leisure. with us at the mercy of His pleasing. and it is days like this that i wish that i would have popped out of the womb with an instruction booklet and "how to do life" manual clutched in each hand.

But alas, i did not (probably to the relief of my mother).

i found myself crying today over tributes to friends lost to drunk drivers. over songs. over words, even. i could chalk it all up to stress, but i know there is something else there--something undefinable and un...grasp-able.

and so i found myself thinking. about how life throws so many curve balls. about my all-too-often selfish focus. about the man that Jesus was--and how incredible it would have been to know him. and i found myself thinking about just how fortunate i am. to have parents that love me. to have support and encouragement. to have my mom as my bestest girlfriend. and jon as my bestest boyfriend. to have my sisters as a spunky and refreshing support system. to havve lou as an incredible example of what a Godly man looks like. to have alec's energy & innocence. and a car to drive. and health. and a cozy bed to sleep in. and this crazy education. i was even thinking how fortunate i am to have lived past age 6--and each day after that. most of the worlds children die before they ever get to write their age as double digits, you know.

and so today i'm looking at life as a big box of surprises. and yeah, it'd be nice to have that "how to do life" manual. and i'd sure like instructions on some things--especially in light of what i'm learning at school these days.

but i guess that is part of the beauty of life. all the "what ifs" and "how comes". the emotions that surprise me...and make me thankful. because really, when it comes down to it, that is part of the beauty of knowing Christ--knowing that all really is so very {un}predictable...and knowing the One that makes it so.

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