Tuesday, February 21, 2006

not ready

realized it tonight. i think i've been in denial for weeks--months, even. realized that i graduate from college in 3 months. that spring break is in 3 weeks. that easter is in 5 weeks. that i have been in college for almost 4 years. that i am getting old.

okay okay. maybe not so much the last one...but i feel like things are changing. i can finally look at the amazing people in my life and realize that i won't always be next door, down the hall, or 15 minutes away. i can look at the buildings and benches and favorite places on campus that have become so familiar and realize that in just 6 months there will be new things, unfamiliar things that will take their place. i can finally look at my incredibly supportive family and realize that i will be thousands of miles away from them while their lives continue as they have been. and i can finally look at my own life and realize that after graduation in May, nothing will ever ever be the same as it has been the previous 21 years of my life.

wow. life is moving so fast already--and i hear it just gets keeps getting faster. i'm not ready. not ready for the real world. not ready for bills and life insurance and college funds for my own kids. not ready for next steps and big steps and road blocks. not ready for more school, bigger school, board exams. not ready.

but i was journaling last night and realized something else. that in the midst of all these changes--friends, family, life, relationships, location, school, comfort, finances, etc.....the same God is in control of it all. the same God that has been in control since the beginning of time is in control of my life--my little measley life. He's gotta be my rock--thank God (quite literally) i can be confident that 1 thing will never change.

on a much lighter note...had an incredible SEARCH reunion tonight with 6 of my favorite people. wine and spaghetti and bread and salad...yum. AND (drum roll please.....) the Bachelor was on. holy cow i can't quite express how freaking excited i am for next week. could be the most intense Bachelor season yet. my vote is totally on Sarah (Tennessee). can't wait 'till next monday!!!!!!!

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