fingerprints

i have noticed something lately. well...i noticed it before too, but lately it has been highlighted in bold, dancing letters: God has quite the sense of humor.

really, though. just when i think i've fallen, made a mistake, crossed a boundary i shouldn't have--fully expecting his reprimand...He shoots down a little bit of funny and aims it right at me.

for instance, this morning i woke up at 5 a.m. and was freaking out. i called my mom--who proceeded to first encourage, and then laugh at me! now let me clarify that she was laughing at me because she thought i was being cute--cute in a funny sort of way--but still....the humor part was still there. i have no doubt in my mind that those little giggles on the other end of the phone were just a little bit of God entering my world.

and now i am sitting here at my desk looking at the piles of laundry on the floor and the piles of homework next to me. and i am thinking that i really don't want to do it. thinking that i wish that God would just call my name and sternly command my brain to turn on and engage in what i am supposed to be learning....and so as i was blankly gazing around my room, my eyes fell on a nail file, of all things, that is in my cup of writing utensils, along with 3 sets of knitting needles and a pair of scissors. i looked at the nail file and realized it was covered in butterflies--and i love butterflies. and then i looked again and noticed that it said "JJ". ummm...WEIRD because i've never noticed that before. upon further examination, i found that it was only part of another word written sideways....but honestly...isn't that humor from God?!?!

and then--this was the kicker today. each week i get an update on new articles written for Boundless, a webzine for college students published by Focus on the Family. it has proven to be a great resource, realizing that other students are struggling with the same decisions and feelings and faith-issues. and the contributors are amazing--truly working hard to uphold Christian values that so often go by the way-side when secular education comes into play.

anyhow...my personal struggle lately has been about my longterm career and the prospect of juggling a life at work with the ideal of a family (if i am so blessed). it's been a difficult decision to make, because it seems to final. lately God has told me--more than once--to look at what is directly in front of my. to enjoy what i have right now and to not try to plan more than 6 months ahead. to savor every moment now, right now, because life won't be quite like this ever again. and so today, i was struggling with the same thing--the same future i am trying, with hesistance, to let God take care of. and low and behold...what came in my email inbox today from Boundless, but a Q&A on females in the workforce raising families. how ironic is that?!?! no...irony doesn't really cover it....i know the culprit. God's fingerprints are all over it. :)

william was right.

william. william shakespeare, that is. he was right when he said that 'all the world's a stage. and all the men and women merely players.'

yup. all the world is a stage--God's stage. and we are just part of His story. surprise! life isn't about us...our measley sense of identity or fervent efforts to "make something" of ourselves. we already are something. we already are something bigger than we know....mere players with supporting roles in the greatest story ever told.

so why is it so easy to forget that? why is it so easy to focus inward, to get distracted trying to fill out the forms for success, fill up the piggy bank, and fill in the holes in our hearts? why is it so often that i get discouraged, distracted, disilluisioned that my life is about me--when in fact it has nothing to do with me as a physical being? and why...why do i so easily lose sight of the leader/director/producer in this big play called life?

i do not know. but i am learning and i am yearning.

learning that the sky is bigger than i can fathom, and that it is the closest physical reminder of the immensity of God. yearning to remember how tiny i am in my physical existence...but how HUGE God's love for me (and you!) is. learning that the God is the lead character is His play, His story and that He has casted me as a supporting role. yearning to fill--seamlessly fill that role and jam-pack it with all the grace, humility, and glory I can.

so yeah. william was right. that shakespeare guy sure knew his stuff. :)

dream big

so i've discovered something this week: no dream is too big to come true.

i am here..in disneyworld...(pretty "magical" place, if you ask me) and really enjoying myself :) enjoying time with my family and the timmons'. it totally amazes me: that walter elias disney had a dream--a huge dream that people laughed at--and THIS, this is what it turned into. WOW. no dream is too big to come true.

we walk around the parks (yes, i had no idea but there are LOTS of parks) and i am in awe of all the creativity, the artistry, the big DREAMS that this place is full of. [i am also in awe of all the nose-picking-leg-kicking-tongue-sticking-out children here]. i was never 'into' disney...never into the princesses or princes or "magic" of it all. but this trip has changed me a bit. i understand the liking of this place--and it truly is magical :)

(i would share some pictures...but i forgot to bring the software to download them...oops!!)

fun. again.

here

here. in tucson. having fun. SO good to see family again....LOVE these guys :)

apparently travel isn't good for all of us....

more than ever

[note: added pictures (clink on "Portraits" link at right)]
[sad note: Bachelor Travis & Sarah broke up....prayers for them (wink wink)]


i am ready for spring. ready for newness and fresh dew on the grass (instead of frost). ready for baby birds--i'll even take chirping birds at this point--and sunshine and blue skies. ready to put away my wool sweaters and winter eskimo coats and scarves and hats and gloves and long johns and mittens and socks and slippers. ready for spring--more than ever.

i am ready for this week to be over. i definitely do not win the blogger-of-the-year award--ready for my stress level to decrease in, what i hear, is the most magical place on Earth. continually amazed at my ability to find things to do other than my homework, i am ready for this week to be over--more than ever.

i realized while i was journaling last night that God, being 'the dude', has already answered one of my hugest prayers from childhood. my prayer was that i would be better, stronger, more able because of the situation with my parents; that my experience through their divorce and court hearings, etc. would turn into a blessing. and guess what?!! 'the dude' is good!!! i realized that He has protected my heart and kept me focused on academics in order to carry out His will for my life (part of it at least) because He knows how easily i get distracted, sidetracked. if i hadn't been through the muck with the divorce...if i hadn't put steel bars up around my heart, maybe my life would be in an entirely different place. so i am thankful that i'm not ready to jump on the bandwagon that seems to be so popular right now. and i am thankful for my parents' situation. and i am especially thankful for obedience and faith--more than ever :)

funny

kinda funny. {and not a 'haha' type of funny; funny as in oh-my, holy cow...can't believe it.}

funny that spring break is after next week. funny that i haven't written in almost a week (and last semester a day couldn't go by without me needing to share). funny that i have about 10 pages left in my journal i started in november--whomever invented pens...i am eternally grateful. funny that i feel older by the day, that graduation is in 2 months, and that i start school again, probably across the country, in 5 months. holy wow.

funny that God has surprised me--let me surprise myself. funny that my life plan has been severely interrupted....and funny that i am grateful for it.

funny how human i am. how much i mess up. how much i trip and slip. i amaze myself daily with my complete ignorance. funny {and amazing} how forgiving, gracious, and lavish the blessings of God are...He continues to amaze me.

here are some [pieces] for you :)
































from every direction in the sky
i can hear the oceans cry
out to your name in awe

and still i stand in reverence
basking in your holiness
for the many miracles i saw

the falling snow, the changing trees
coming of the brand new spring
the sunrise and moonshine
for me...you made it
the cross and nails and bearing scorn
my entrance in the holy room
all you've done and all you do
you, my king...are majestic.