time...

.... is flying by. totally flying. i can't believe i have been here for 5 weeks. while time has the illusion of being sluggishly slow @ times, hindsight tells me otherwise.

and it has been quite a journey already. my excitement about being here has worn off slightly. school has taken its toll. i don't leap out of bed in the morning when my alarm goes off @ 5:55 a.m. like i did just 2 weeks ago. i show up to class with sleep lines on my face. my daily dose of chai is barely keeping me awake. the anatomy lab has lost its allure. the amount of material i have to learn is slowly piling up like the trash in shel silverstein's 'sarah synthia sylvia stout would not take the garbage out'.

and, in short, i am overwhelmed.

I'm not saying that I have this all together, that I have it made.

But I am well on my way, reaching out for Christ, who has so wondrously reached out for me. Friends, don't get me wrong: By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I've got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward—to Jesus. I'm off and running, and I'm not turning back.

(Phil. 3:12-14, The Message)

lately i've been distracted. by the temptation to lose sight of my goal...to get caught up in my dislike of the biochemical mechanisms, molecular pathways, and immunological systems...to take my eyes off the prize at the end. i do, after all, only have 2 years of this intense book-learning stuff. by the temptation to doubt the presence of God here, in my life, in my here-and-now. it is easy to stick my nose in a book...or on the internet...or on my pillow, for that matter, and forget that it truly is a miracle that i am here. deep down i've always wanted this to happen...but never ever imagined it actually would. i've been distracted by the potential for the future....by my own tendency to become preoccupied with subjects that are better left to curiosity--and to God. i tend to dwell on those things; they consume me...my thoughts, my mind...my habit of 'planning'.

and amidst my studying and searching and planning, i have been reminded in the last week that everything in life happens at just the right time, as long as it is GOD'S TIME and not my own.

so that is my prayer.
to hear God speak because He has definitely gotten my attention with His silence lately.
to keep my eyes set ahead because my tendency toward distraction is driving me off course. to trust that God will iron out all the wrinkles and worries i have for my future because i have to remember that He only wants the best for my life.
to remember that this life is not about me. God gave me the job to love people. to love and respect and share His joy with people. that is all. and as long as i do that with all my heart, God will smile.

and just as Rick Warren said, "The smile of God is the goal of your life."

good goal Rick, good goal.