Tuesday, August 29, 2006


take one for me, will you? a breath, i mean. i feel like i haven't had enough lately. or too many--not quite sure which one.

we had our first big exam this morning. thirty questions. i studied for SO long. i finally had to decide yesterday that i had reached the point where i needed to be fully confident in my knowledge base. but after the tests today, maybe i should have buried my head a little deeper in the books. it wasn't that i didn't know the information....it was that i just couldn't connect it. i know how important this stuff is. and to be totally honest, maybe it is just the new pressure of this huge responsibility that is sucking the energy out of me.

so, in short, i am not feeling good about my test results. definitely not confident in the fact that i did well . i just know that i did. and that will have to be good enough. i have to keep in mind that God--in His Divine plan--has already accounted for many many many many mistakes, mishaps, and mess-ups. i have to remember that as long as i do my very best, He'll work with that. i think that just the simple fact of me being here--having this opportunity is a testament to His networking and door-opening skills.

i have a looonnnggg road ahead of me. and right now, i can't even imagine the end. totally feeling overwhelmed. i have a TON of reading to do...a LOT of studying to get done...and even MORE to learn. and i am finding it harder and harder to focus when all this seems like so much and its relevance seems like so little. but i'll keep chugging away. because God wants me here--i know that much is true. and i'll get through my reading--from the closest book you see to the one farthest away (i found that if i line them right in the middle of my floor, anytime i need to get anywhere in my little cottage i end up tripping over them....subtle reminders of what needs to get done). and i'll try my best to stay positive about it--because i am well aware that not everyone gets this opportunity. and i will pray for motivation, because i really need some right now. and i will hope that the end of this road comes sooner than later.

so thanks for your prayers. for your positive thoughts. for your encouragement and support. but most of all, for your prayers.

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