guilt.

day 2 of updating about my seemingly-boring life.

daily news.
1. killed 1 giant, hairy, spotted spider today.
2. caught up on the latest epidsode of House, M.D. thanks to Fox's fantastic video strems (honestly, what WOULD i do without the internet??)
3. studied for 6 hours this afternoon. yes, on a friday night. [this is my life].
4. learned that i might want to go into psychiatry.
5. went grocery shopping which is like one of my least favorite things to do on the planet. i should be good until january. i try to only go once a month--task completed successfully (& i even brought my own bags in order to save the dying species of plastic trees).
6. wore a new shirt today.
7. no other news to report at this time.

other than having this horribly annoying tickle in the back of my throat that has made me cough as if i had a hairball...and despite my boring studying....this has actually been quite a pleasant night.

i listened to 2 sermon's from Liquid Church and am now feeling extremely guilty about the way i've been using my resources. honestly? its kind of been torture living here. i mean, don't get me wrong, i couldn't have asked for a better place to go to school: minimal activites, few distractions, freeze-my-butt-off-winters that keep me inside studying, and many other markable things about the town that people seem to have fallen in love with. but me? well....i guess i'm finding that at this point in my life i need something to do. i need a freaking BRAIN BREAK every once in awhile...which usually means getting out in public, people watching, window shopping, starbucks-going, etc. here i don't have that option. and no, i will NOT pay $6 for a 12-oz latte at the coffee shop down the street.

so, to make up for the lack of stimulatory activites there are here, i've found myself spending more time on the internet, more time just wasting time, and less time in my spiritual life, reading a book for fun, or even writing quick how-are-you-notes to friends & family. in other words, i feel like i've become less personable and just a bit more addicted to the temptations this culture feeds me.

did you know that we encounter over 3000 advertisements each day?

and what do they tell us?? that we shouldn't be satisfied...that we NEED MORE STUFF. and i sit here tonight completely guilty as charged. i've felt that temptation this year stronger than ever before. like what i have isn't good enough, trendy enough, or flattering enough. and yes, it mostly has to do with clothes--they have always been my weak spot. but with all my time-wasting-activites, i've developed tastes for other things...like craft projects and home decor (thank you Pottery Barn) and baking and...and....and...and.

the truth is that sometimes i go to bed at night thinking about how life will be so great after med school loans are paid off. because then i can GET ALL THIS STUFF.

insert God's sneaky voice: YOU CAN'T TAKE IT WITH YOU.

and oh my heck is that the truth. the sermon tonight made that crystal clear. i mean seriously...what am i doing--what have i been doing--to better Christ's kingdom? reading blogs? checking out ebay auctions? give me a break.

so tonight i'm starting a challenge. going to challenge myself to abstain. from buying into the cultural lie that i NEED these things to appear successful, to look better, to whatever. because the truth is that you can't take it with you. and i'm saddened to report that at age 23, thousands of dollars have already flown through my world (don't ask me how i know that or i might have to shoot you). that is a heckuva lot of money.

money that fueled the fire of consumerism. money that i used to buy stuff (well, lots of food...and gas to see jon...and wedding stuff this last summer...and school books...but definitely unneeded stuff too). stuff that i can't take with me should i leave the earth tomorrow. its about darn time i invest myself in something that will last beyond this world.

you know exactly what i'm talking about.