only in a psych hospital...

i'm just going to go ahead & make it clear that i'm not holding anything back in this post....so i apologize if you finish reading & realize you just learned way more than you ever wanted to know about me...& my bathroom habits.

i have gas. like bad gas. and although that was a part of me i was never planning on sharing with the world, if you've spent any extended period of time with me you'll quickly realize that YOU ALREADY KNOW THAT PART OF ME. unfortunately, i was born with an overly sensitive digestive system: white flour, processed foods, & dairy products typically don't bode too well. sure, i eat them anyway...i just have to make sure that i have a functioning bathroom nearby & a husband who falls asleep quickly, if you know what i mean...

so needless to say, my "diet" the last three weeks while i've been away hasn't been stellar. i pre-pack all my food, scared of what the cafeteria food might do to me. oatmeal each morning for breakfast with pumpkin & flax seeds. salad + protein for lunch. and dinner? well, dinner is another story...

on this particular day, i had to go to the bathroom. LIKE RIGHT NOW had to go to the bathroom. i was getting ready to leave the hospital but needed to pick up my bag & coat in the computer room. just as i rounded the corner of the stairwell, it hit me. i needed to find a bathroom...& i needed to find it five minutes ago.

i fumbled with my keys and managed to make my way through 2 locked doors in record time. i charged down the hallway & into the bathroom, conveniently located across the hall from the computer room.

i had 2 choices: stall A or stall B. i'd used stall A earlier in the day & decided, on a milli-second whim to go with stall B. so while i did the "potty dance", i threw myself into stall B, turned myself around to face the door, pulled my pants down & went to sit down...

which is when i realized that gravity was working far too well.

i caught myself just in time before my bare butt hit the cold tile floor.

in my dire effort to get myself to the toilet, i failed to notice that the glorious stall i had chosen DIDN'T HAVE A TOILET.

only in a psych hospital....