Thursday, March 12, 2009

ugly confessions.

we all have them. ugly, hidden...shoved in the closet of our thoughts, the back of our minds...hidden from the world. and i'll be the first to admit that when i kindly arrange those sacred monsters in the back of my closet, more often than not i'm trying to hide them from God.

but He knows. He always does.

and i want you to know too. because i've hidden too many things for far too long. in many respects, these aren't earth-shattering, heart breaking, or even vaguely exciting. but i need to post them here. in this public place. one-by-one. because making them public, drawing them out & dusting them off makes them more apparent to me and me more transparent to you.

i started reading Idols of the Heart, kindly recommended by Beth P....and while the book is written in a straight-forward non-read-between-the-lines style, the message goes so much deeper. as i've slowly watched the page numbers grow, my life has been chopped up into tiny, torn, & separated. and the things i've held dear for so long have come into question...habits, pleasures, guilt, anxiety, relationships....

we'll take these one at a time. i'm obviously not going to share all of them--i don't like airing my dirty laundry. but i feel the need to publicly share at least a few...hoping only to make more of a commitment to change for myself. i could do it with the pen of my journal...but this seems more permanent, more open. in the back of my mind, i feel like my own personal conviction to make the necessary changes will be challenged if i open myself up here.

first installment coming soon....


Aubrey said...

So I just found your blog through Rocks in my Dryer - I'm a second year family practice resident in Greenwood, SC - anyway, I just wanted to encourage you in your medical school and say that family practice really is a great field. If you have any questions about the match, residencies, or anything else I can help you with, please shoot me an email - aubreytell at yahoo dot com. I had fun looking through your posts and thinking about my different rotations. And I love all your photos!! It's definitely important to have a hobby or two when you are in the medical field - it helps keep you fresh. Take care!

Aubrey said...

Family medicine is very family friendly. And depending on what residency you go to, I think you'll be pleasantly surprised about how family friendly some programs are. So don't fear! I have loved my residency so far - I love the work I do, the town I live in, and especially the people I work with. And my marriage has become stonger during these 18 months. I don't know where you are thinking about going, but I'm in Greenwood, SC at Self Regional. It really is a wonderful program - very, very supportive of families. It's also a place filled with believers - basically all the attendings and most of the residents - so everyone here really wants you to have a good family life, a good spiritual life, and to learn a lot. We love having fourth year students, so if you want a fun place to do a rotation away from the big, academic, tertiary care centers, this is a great place to come. And we have a house you could stay in for free. Greenwood is a nice-sized town, with very low cost of living. I really could talk about my program for a long time - I just really think God has blessed us here so I love telling other people about it! Like I said, if you have any other questions - please let me know.

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