deja vu.

i've been here before--this place, it's vaguely familiar. like the feeling of crispy autumn leaves or deja vu's from dreamland. part of me is comfortable here--and part of me desparately wants to move past it.



as i drove today, the short white stripes blurred into memories of white snow last year--almost exactly one year ago. in a different place. at a different time in my life. and yet, it is all still the same. same state. same studying. same stuff.



i wondered how i was feeling, how i was coping with life & all it brought.



when i realized that i've been here before.



the same feelings i so desparately wanted to move past last year have come to visit again. the same fears and apprehension, the same frustrations and anxiety-provoking questions...they are ALL coming back.



or maybe they never left.



our pastor gave a church sermon about how God uses our struggles to build us. to remind us that we need him fully, completely in order to truly move on. he said its too easy to get frustrated--to look around & realize that we've been here before. but all-too-easy to ignore that things really are different. like one of those "can you find the differences?" pictures where they photoshop a rose in the man's suit pocket & a pink collar on his dog.



i've been here before. in a different place. at a different time. under different circumstances. but those same feelings of dread--those same "what if's" fill my thoughts.



our pastor said that it's like a spiral--a spiral staircase, if you will. at some point in time we are bound to round the same corner & recognize the view. what's most important, though, is to realize we really are one step higher than before.