and then the tears came...

i'm off. already. and its only 4:27pm. its kind of glorious, actually. this rotation should be interesting, to say the least. a learning experience, i am certain...my enjoyment level throughout the journey is what is still to be determined.

to say i'm still emotional about moving here is a bit of an understatement. i was more emotional yesterday than i have been in years--and after jon left i am fairly certain that i not only raised Kleenex stock value, but i probably also swallowed my body weight in snot & tears. so yes, i did greet the mirror this morning with red, swollen eyes (good thing it was picture day, huh?) & a stuffed up nose. and i also did meet the tissue box this morning (& this afternoon) with just a few more tears that needed to escape (notice the mound of kleenex).

i'm learning how to depend on God again. i looked at my "daily inspiration" calendar today and mr. max lucado had this to say....

When you recognize God as Creator, you will admire him.

When you recognize his wisdom, you will learn from him.

When you discover his strength, you will rely on him.

But only when he saves you will you worship him...

Before your rescue, you could easily keep God at a distance...

Then came the storm...Despair fell like a fog...

In your heart, you knew there was no exit...

Suddenly you are left with one option: God.

And i'm at that one option. i'm at that point--between a rock & a hard place where the only option i have is to turn my heart over to Him, to surrender my soul, my tears, and my heart...and discover the grace & comfort His embrace can bring.

but it is the surrendering part that i have trouble with--the giving up & letting go where i get hung-up.

i don't have an option this time. i can't quit school at this point (although days like today i gladly would). jon can't move from NC. and my heart is wretching because this is not what i had envisioned for us....so i'm here. left with my kleenex box & my only option: GOD.