Monday, October 20, 2008

goodbye's are the hardest.

goodbye's are always the hardest. i used to be good at them. i used to hold in my tears, mask my sadness, and move on. perhaps it was because of the constant transition i experienced in childhood, travelling from one home to another at least twice each month; transitioning from one extreme to the other, mom's house to dad's house, the city to the country.

i used to joke about how "some day" we just knew it would make me stronger. because as a young teen, there were so many times i just cried. cried that no one else could understand how i felt. cried because i felt so alone, so prematurely independent. and cried, because i couldn't fathom stability in my constantly changing environment.

but that "someday" is here. and i can't help but smile looking back at God's provision. i don't think that today's transitions would be nearly as easy, as smooth, and as hope-filled had i not been in that valley so many years ago. it is so clear now that hindsight is always 20/20--that God really is in control of all things, no matter how dark the night may seem. and often times, He provides little "treats" , of unexpected time together, an extra $20 for a date, unexpected gas money, or an injection of grace that make my heart flutter with gratitude.

i've been thinking a lot lately about the past two years. i told my mom on friday that i couldn't fathom doing it all over again...and i am so grateful that i don't have to. life right now seems crazy and i'm longing for the days when jon & i won't have to be on the lookout for yet another separation...but in the meantime, God is filling my gratitude cup...

*gas prices have gone down here, making my weekend drives of 4 hours one-way much more affordable :)
*i've found myself happily occupying my time with what we have already instead of wishing for things to jump into my shopping cart
*my geriatrics rotation scheduling was messed up by my school, giving me a 3-day-weekend this weekend!! (which equates to one extra day with jon!)
*God is slowly but surely calming my heart about the upcoming year...and each day i'm reminded that this life is less about me & more about His Glory
*our friendship with one another is the strongest it has ever been :)
*i'm looking forward to the next year & am setting goals for myself for when jon is away...

there are so many more things to be grateful for :) i bought the book i mentioned last week--and it really is a great reminder that this country was founded on humility & faith. i'm hoping our thanksgiving season is full of the same.

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