pumpkin.

dear starbucks,

my hips just wanted to thank you for bringing back my favorite drink of all time. it will go down in history as "the one" that grew my pantsize into the double digits, "the one" who slowed me down on the treadmill at the gym, and "the one" at the forefront of my mind at the beginning of each day during the fall season.

i'm wondering if you might consider selling a packet of "weight redistribution" next year alongside this yummy beverage--i'd like some of the blubber i'm gaining on my rump to travel a little northward, if you know what i mean.

i'll have you know that i've been a faithful customer this month--and last, too, since you publicized those small cups of lust you call Pumpkin Spice latte's. i've downed four of them in total, with plans for many more in the upcoming weeks...at least until you bring eggnog latte's back. at which point i will write you again thanking you for blubberizing my body for winter.

sincerely,

your almost-too-faithful-pumpkin spice latte-customer