brave.

I realized something as I dodged the reclining chairs on wheels & haphazardly places wheel chairs that clogged the hallways this morning: you have to be brave to get old.

You have to be brave to watch your once youthful skin wrinkle & thin.
You have to be brave to watch your spouse struggle to take the steps he once ran, struggle to button the shirt he once easily pulled over his head.
You have to be brave to read your best friends’ obituaries in the Sunday paper.
You have to be brave to wake up to an empty bed, a quiet house, and a half-empty pot of cold coffee because no one was there to drink it with you.
You have to be brave to stand at the grave of your love of 50 years and face the rest of your life alone.
You have to be brave to watch the sunset and trust that it will rise again, to want it to rise again in the morning.
You have to be brave to see the world change around you, to see computers and iPhones and earbuds and portable DVD players and electric cars that run on popcorn oil; you have to be brave to face the technological giant that is beyond your understanding.
You have to be brave to face your second, maybe third war…and hear the stories about the bombs and explosions and loss of life…for the third decade of your life.
You have to be brave to love the friend across the hall, knowing that she may not be there tomorrow.
You have to be brave to not get jealous when people pass in peace around you…while you struggle in pain strapped to a wheelchair, stuck in a sanitized home. You have to be brave to not yearn for freedom…
You have to be brave to gain the humility it takes to allow a 21 year old glowing skinned female wash your privates and change your diapers.
You have to be brave to put a smile on your face when your days consist of darkened hallways and pureed foods because you can’t swallow anymore.
You have to be brave to see visitors that treat you like you are a child, forgetting that the decades of life you possess are well beyond their own childish understanding.
You have to be brave to look forward to the days and nights that will be filled with utter lonliness because all those close to you have died.
You have to be brave to look back at the memories of a vibrant life once lived, once full of love and activity.
You have to be brave to get old.

I don’t think I’m that brave.