a monday to remember

8:42 am: arrive on floor to check patient labs.
8:46 am: walk into patient room to complete history & physical exam.
8:50 am: patient able to identify herself, tell me where she is, the current year, and the President of the United States.
8:52 am: patient says she urgently needs to see Herman, her boss, who comes home with her each night. Herman wears dark glasses and plays cards with all the men in her house at night. Apparently he wears dark glasses so that the women can't see him in the garden.
8: 56 am: patient informs me that i am bipolar. and that she has been married forever, since the beginning of time.
8:58 am: patient wets the bed while i am interviewing her.

9:30 am: patient found half naked in the doorway to her room.
9:56am: patient found in the hallway, partially dressed with her hospital gown hanging wide open in the back. patient holding telemetry monitor, pretending to "take pictures" of the other patients with the monitor.

10:30 am: patient found completely undressed in room, leaning over side of bed. she claimed she was in labor having Herman's baby.

11:45 am: patient given drugs to calm her down.

1:35pm: patient found in hallways again, with "camera" in hand.
1:55pm: patient informs nursing staff that the Green Beret's are going to get them. she also informs attending physician that her husband is actually her boyfriend. and that he wears a Green Beret.

2pm: patient given Ativan.

...we call them "super psych"....