Sunday, October 09, 2005

7 Gentle Reminders

God never ceases to amaze me.

just when i think that my hunkey-dorey okey-dokey life is under control (my control), He gently reminds me that i don't know a thing. that i have no control over anything. and that that is the way it should be.

i love my job. and i worked all day on saturday. but spending 9 hours with scrapbook-driven women can be a bit challenging at times. moods flare. words exchange. smiles cease. not pretty. but my search for grace was the first time this weekend that God gently reminded me that this life is for Him, not me.

and then after work on saturday i picked up Keegan. we drove to Yakima--him visting his family and me visting mine. with the exception of 1 poor little field mouse, no road kill was my fault last night (praise God). up late talking to parents getting the latest scoop on grandpa stan's house (alzheimers has finally taken its toll) and the latest drama within family. God's second gentle reminder that i can't control anything; that death and disease is the curse of Eden and part of life; and that this life is for Him, not me.

up early this morning via a poke in the eye from little Alec. i miss him so much--wishing he could share some of his spunk. over to grandpa's house to sort through 40 years of living in 1 incredible house. so much history--so much accumulation--so much stuff. all the stuff was God's third reminder that i can't take anything with me and that this life is for Him, not me.
back to spokane in record time (no speeding--uhh). keegan slept a bit on the drive home--giving me time to silently reflect. reflect on grandpa. reflect on the incredible nature that stretched out before me. reflect on the majesty of my Lord. the silence, the stretching landscape, and serenity of being in God's presence: a fourth reminder today.

on to the Casting Crowns concert @ 6pm. incredible music. incredible message. their songs speak right to the heart--and touch on the biggest problems facing Christians and the Church today. the lyrics themselves were enough to bring me to tears. God was truly in that place tonight--and i totally felt His presence. and when they played Who Am I ("who am i? that the lord of all the earth/ should care to know my name/ should care to feel my hurt...."), it was God's fifth reminder of the day that truly i am no one. that God wants me, He doesn't need me. that i don't have to be perfect, planned, or even precise in my life. but i do have to be honest. and accountable. and truthful. and that the voice of truth will tell me a different story than the world--it will tell me my story.

and then i opened my bag to unpack from Selah and out falls an envelope full of money from my family. totally unexpected. totally appreciated. i know how hard they work. i know that things are tight right now. and who am i that deserves this? i briefly reflected on the World Vision video they showed at Casting Crowns and pictured the children in Africa. no money. no parents. no food. no homes. no lifesong for Jesus. and i felt convicted. yet another gentle reminder that this life is His, not mine; that He has a bigger and better plan than i could ever imagine for it; and that no matter what i do to try to change it, God will ultimately get His way--which is exactly how it should be. the sixth reminder of the day.

and now i am sitting here. reflecting on my weekend. looking to another week. wishing that my life didn't consist of constant homework, no sleep, worrying, wishing, hoping, dreaming. and then realizing that life wouldn't be life without wishes and hopes and dreams and work. that life wouldn't be life without challenges and heartbreaks. that life wouldn't be life without the incredible sacrifice that was made just about 2000 years ago. and i am reminded again, for the seventh time today, that this life belongs to Him.

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