Thursday, February 26, 2009

10 great things about the psych floor

10) chart-induced hyponosis (where your eyes cross & your brains scramble after reading for too long) isn't an anomaly here...due to the fact that most patients have at least two volumes (some up to 5 or 6!) of bursting-at-the-seams charts from their numerous admissions here.

9) your patient's don't notice your post-lunch tunafish breath...they haven't brushed their teeth in days.

8) any accusations of sexual temptations, stealing orange juice, or rats in the patient's rooms are generally dismissed...they are commonplace around here with the delusional patients.

7) for most of the patient's, civilized adult conversations are not if the 5-year-old-in-you accidentally slips out, they usually don't know the difference.

6) you can always tempt the patients to comply with physician or nurse requests by offering a bag of potato chips.

5) your tendency toward VERY regularly repetitive hand-washing is validated by each patient...especially when they wipe their drool, itch their crotch, then reach out to shake your hand as an 'official closure' to the conversation.

4) if you accidentally stain your pants with the oatmeal you had for breakfast, your patient's won't care.

3) if you fart in the hallway no one will know you were the culprit--it is smelly anyway.

2) your own feelings of inadequacy, odd habitual patterns, & slightly neurotic obsessions suddenly seem surprisingly managable give the mood & personality traits of your patient's on the floor.

1) Your appreciation for life's simple pleasures skyrockets: a good night's rest, the freedom to have a cup of hot chocolate as you please, the gift of fresh air when you freely step outside, quality relationships...a spouse that stands behind your career choices--all of these are foreign to many of that patients here everyday...

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