hindsight.

In the very early Spring of 2005, I attended a retreat at Gonzaga. Tucked away in a little town in Idaho, I learned that I'd been searching for someONE for far too long. And that was the weekend I realized that I would continue to seek my entire life in empty pursuits if I didn't put God first...if I didn't love myself for all He had made me. So I made a commitment to myself that from then on I would only seek ONE LOVE: God's. At the closure of the retreat, we had a few moments to pen a letter to ourselves--a letter that we would receive a few weeks later in the mail. I wrote. I licked the envelope. And I moved on with my life, with my tests, with my friendhsips.

A fury of photo organization & nearly four years later, I found that hand penned letter in a container of miscellaneous papers & photos. This is what it said:

April 10, 2005

J.

Well, it’s been a couple weeks now. Finals are most definitely rolling around—life is probably crazy. But if you remember only one thing, remember this: GOD’S LOVE IS SUFFICIENT.

Sufficient enough that you don’t have to worry too much. Sufficient enough that you shouldn’t be concerned about your future, the content of your character, your beauty, your heart, or even the faith that seems to be so highly acclaimed. What I am so excited about as I am writing this is the idea that YOU, Ms. Goody-too-shoes makes mistakes. But the best part is that GOD deals with them.

He knows already how your chemistry class will turn out, if you’ll get into med school, if you’re supposed to get into med school, WHO is out there for you…& what He created you for. You should be proud of your work ethic & grateful for the amazing amazing amazing community of people, believers, & brothers & sisters in Christ you have at Gonzaga. Carpe diem…because guess what??! There aren’t too many left in Spokane. Be able to look back with no regrets. And don’t waste your tiring neurons on empty thoughts or meaningless questions. Just trust…and know that GOD’S LOVE IS SUFFICIENT.

Keep LOVING, ~jlyn

"God's Love is Sufficient" became a mantra I repeated each day, each hour maybe. I had to realize that God’s, & ONLY God’s love is sufficient before He would let me grasp hold of the fact that someone else might love me too. I had to be content with MYSELF, with MY LIFE, with MY ABILITIES before He would let someone else discover them.

And He did let someone else discover them. Jon literally walked into my life almost 6 months to the day I wrote this letter. After literally months of prayer to grow more comfortable in my own skin, God ever-so-slowly let someone else see me as who I really was.

Oddly enough, the night of our first kiss, Jon told me to "Carpe diem" as well--a statement which has become a running joke in our household. Turns out, he wasn't too far off.

And that, my friends, is the AWESOME power of God's provision.