Sunday, November 13, 2005

seeking Him

just like promised...another good day today.

incredible sleep last night--about 10 hours of it. thank the Lord (literally) that sleep was invented because it is just about one of my favorite things ever.

"BBChem" (i. e. BBQ) this afternoon at Dr. Cronk's house (my biochem prof). funny group of science nerds getting together to eat denatured protein (i.e. hamburgers) cooked with heat + oxygen + propane (i.e. a BBQ). realizing that with all that science claims to prove, i am thanking the Lord with all my heart and soul that i am blessed enough to know Him.

LifeCenter tonight was truly the 'cherry on top'. Pastor Joe has found his gift--and i am so grateful i am fortunate enough to be a receiver in his ministry. the sermon was on What God Has Done. kind of realizing how much i don't realize what God has done.

trying to remember the last time i prayed to seek God Himself more...not seek His plan, not seek His favors, not seek what He can do for me..but just to truly, purely, honestly seek Him. of all things to pray about, that should be the first on my list. because it is in seeking Him, knowing Him, having an intimate relationship with Him, that i am complete and whole and satisfied. i am good at seeking His plan...good at praying to seek His purpose...good at asking for favors from Him--not so good at humbling myself to seek Him.

and speaking of seeking....totally seeking God's will this weekend. amidst my heaviness and heart-cries, i am aiming to let it all go. every last bit of it, every morsel of humanity that is left of me. every desire, every wish, every dream, everything that is me. aiming to let all of me out and to let all of God in. hoping that i'll be emptied so God can fill me up. fill me up with hope. fill me up with purpose. fill me up with life and appreciation and energy for Him. fill me up with His dreams and desires and get rid of all of mine.

dreams and desires about my future. about my education. about friends and relationships and family. about where i will be in 8 months. about where i am headed. about my life.

so. going to bed tonight emptied. going through my day tomorrow empty. and the day after that.

waking up tomorrow filled. living tomorrow filled. and the day after that. and the day after that.

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